By Way of Introduction

You can lead a horse to the polls, but you can't make him vote. They would have to modify the booth to accommodate his horse shape.

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Truth is Stranger than Fiction

Like so many in the world today I have to remind myself daily that the shitstorm going on around me is actual reality. Real live Life. Crazier than anything Hollywood has cooked up, more dystopian and sinister than a Bond movie written by Cormac McCarthy. And so my normal habit of dismissing conspiracy theories as too ridiculous to have merit has come to a screeching halt. In fact, I have a few of my own surrounding recent events in our government and the world. Here, for your amusement, is my latest:

For this bit, the part of Putin shall be played by you, the reader. Trump has been installed as POTUS through a complex series of propaganda attacks, election/ballot machine and database hacking, plus some good timing and luck. He is, of course, an invaluable asset for you, and you've got so much dirt on him that a fleet of backhoes couldn't dig him out from under your thumb. A former KGB agent's wet dream: your mole is the King of the Moles, and you'll do anything to keep this guy in office. He's the best thing to happen to Russia since vodka. And you're so ethically and morally bankrupt you didn't even need a good reason to be nefarious, but you've got a damn good one here.

That's you behind the Iron Curtain, wizarding your Oz.
You're already entrenched in Syria. Your man Trump desperately, DESPERATELY needs a distraction - a dog to wag that's big enough to make people forget, even temporarily, that he's bought and paid for by a zillion different factions. You coordinate a chemical weapons attack, ostensibly carried out by the Assad regime, to take the heat off in the States, to give Trump an opportunity to seem decisive, presidential, and independent of his puppet master (That's you. Remember, you're Putin in this narrative). You order the attack. Your men dutifully carry it out. The world is outraged. As a bonus, they will for a time stop talking about your penchant for using nerve gas on YOUR citizens. Win win! Now, Trumpy can bomb the shit out of some airfields or warehouses that you've already evacuated and you can retaliate somehow, escalating the hostilities until your primary objective is fulfilled. Trump can appear to have stood up to you, you can appear to have stared him right back down, and you will both benefit from a fleeting boost to your approval ratings. 

And this was from a year ago. Deja vu anyone?
Okay. You're not Putin anymore. Sorry to do that to you, but it was an efficient way to get you to where I was.

Aside from the obvious, I have another concern about this completely likely scenario playing out, and it involves chess. Putin thinks several moves ahead in his game, while Trump wants to know why you can't just play checkers instead. I can see Putin and Assad moving some chemical weapon components to likely air strike targets, then claiming the U.S. used chemical weapons in their attack. It's not likely to gain much traction, and it's only one of the things an enemy could do when they're given advance warning of attacks (see previous post) but it's a possibility. Unfortunately, even if Trump is doing all this unwittingly - being led around by the nose by someone much craftier than he - it's all to easy to goad him into predictable reactions. Fact. And he keeps firing everyone who attempts to check his foolishness. Every day that goes by with this guy in charge is a crapshoot, and I'm not that kind of gambler. I don't think most Americans are.

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

The New New New New... Normal?

Every day I check in on the new lows our politicians have sunk to in pursuit of Guiness Record level sycophancy. Almost as often the Tweeter in Chief surprises me with some new lunacy. This morning it was this:
Why is this guy telling our soon-to-be-targets that we're coming??? Is he afraid Putin didn't get his voicemail informing him of our specific plans? If his actions cause our American service people to come to harm then he should be court martialed just like any other member of the military who betrays his fellow soldiers' plans of action. Please realize this is tongue-in-cheek, as the Commander in Chief is a symbolically civilian position, and therefore ineligible for such legal recourse. Still, to aid and abet an enemy is a high crime and should be treated as such regardless of title. Heck, even Donald Trump agrees that this was a horrible idea:
Nearly a year apart and he hadn't changed his mind about what a bad idea it was:

On top of this is all his bellyaching over his Fixer getting fixed, threats to fire everyone at the DOJ, threats from his dipshit cronies like Devin "Soon to be a prison bitch" Nunes to impeach the Director of the FBI Christopher Wray, as well as Deputy Attorney General Rosenstein, ALL BECAUSE HE HAS NOTHING TO HIDE. NO COLLUSION.

To paraphrase Shakespeare, via Gertrude: "The orange man doth protest too much, methinks."

April 12 Update - After being eviscerated for telegraphing our plan of attack, including reports that Syria was moving troops to Russian outposts to avoid the coming wave of "nice and new and "smart!'" missiles, the Head Idiot at the White House attempted to backtrack through his medium of choice:

Just to remind you all, this treasonous lummox is sitting in the seat of power for the Western Hemisphere. Happy Thursday!