By Way of Introduction

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him vote. They would have to modify the booth to accommodate his horse shape.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Bachmann Takes One for the Team

In order to help take attention from the fact that Mitt Romney's campaign is in a self-induced tailspin, Representative Michele Bachmann has graciously agreed to launch unsubstantiated attacks against Muslim-Americans.  When questioned about the move, Bachmann replied, "Well, that clown (Romney) won't release his tax returns, he's lied from the get-go about his years at Bain, and unfortunately the Batman thing isn't distracting folks as much as we'd hoped.  Sheriff Joe and I decided that we'd double team the thing.  You know, pull some of the press off the trail until something else pops up.  We're kind of hoping for a massive hurricane, or maybe a volcanic eruption near a major city.  Earthquakes might work, too.  Don't quote me on that.  Oh, go ahead.  I've said crazier things! (laughs)"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"           "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Though widely panned, even by leaders in her own party, Ms. Bachmann is sticking to the plan.  "What a true-blue American hero.  She's a real Ollie North," gushed Glenn Hubbard, one of Romney's top advisers, following a recent campaign fundraiser in Hong Kong.  When pressed about the possible anti-Muslim backlash that could result from such irresponsible accusations, Hubbard was unapologetic: "If it helps  get Obama out of the White House, then who gives a shit?  I realize that comes off as harsh, but hey... them's the berries."

In related news, the Muppets are turning our kids into communists, and Sesame Street is a haven for liberal political insurrection.  The most shocking part of this news is that anyone is still worried about communists.