Muppets Start WWIII

Many of you remember The Muppet Show from your youth as the funnier, less preachy, and less educational evening version of Sesame Street. You fondly recall the two judges in the box seats making verbal jabs at the show going on below them. You sometimes confuse the Swedish chef with Beaker, rarely remember Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, and still call the dirty hippie girl "the dirty hippie girl" because you don't remember ever knowing what her name was (it's Janice!). Well, I hate to break this news to you, but apparently the Muppets are sinister seditionists whose main goal is to undermine American values and society and, ideally, start the War Between the Classes. Worst of all, they're doing this by brainwashing our own children! And on our own dimes!

The video is long, because FoxNews couldn't figure out anything better to do with seven minutes of air time, but the upshot is that The Muppets are pinko commie... puppets. In fact, if you rearrange the letters in The Muppet Show, you get "Evil Liberal Agenda." Coincidence? I think not.

Slightly off subject, couldn't real news sue Fox for misrepresenting it? I mean, I can't just call my blog Rupert Murdoch's Evil Empire Mouthpiece, can I? Or... can I?

But don't accuse FoxNews of being one-sided, and don't give the Muppets all the credit. Apparently, Henson's creations are just picking up the baton from Sesame Street.

You should have seen this coming, truthfully. Ernie and Bert are gay, Big Bird is a tranny, Oscar the Grouch is a bum living off the state, and God only knows what Snuffleupagus is. Put the whole lot of them together, and you get a cadre of imaginary characters who are out to institute a totalitarian regime here in our own United States of America.

"So that's why they called them Reds."

The strange thing is, I had Beaker pegged as an Objectivist, what with the constant "Me me me" attitude, which is a philosophy usually associated with conservatives. Perhaps I've been selling the old boy short.

All Your Bucks Are Belong To Us

For today, a short stick figure dramatization:

If this goes well, one day we may be able to afford noses.

Mo' money, mo problems.

When I was a kid, this would have gotten you four candy bars.

We've got to figure out how to split 117¢ two ways.

Stabbin' people with their hobo knives.

Mostly because they'll be carrying bb guns.