By Way of Introduction

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him vote. They would have to modify the booth to accommodate his horse shape.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Inaugural Edition

I wrote this last Monday night, got busy, never posted it.  So, for what it's worth, here is my first actual post.  Fittingly, it is late.  "Why is that fitting?" you might ask.  "Mind your business." would be one possible response to that question.

My wife has recently begun blogging. 'Nuf said. I had to launch my own blog out of necessity, as it's the only way I'm ever going to be able to get her attention again. Truth is, I've been meaning to do this for some time, and seeing how much fun she's having with it kind of lit a fire under my rear end to do the same.

I have plans for this blog to have a decidely political slant, but for now... a rant. Rant #1 of many is about the NFL™. Specifically, Monday Night Football™. More specifically, Jon Gruden™. Now, Jon went to high school in my hometown, and I liked him all right when he was at the helm in Tampa Bay, but his game-calling is atrocious. He'll say things like "You've got to look for anything here." when describing what the defense should expect on a particular play.  

Thanks for breaking that down for us, coach.

Then he started firing off a bunch of the Bucs' salary numbers.  10 million here, 52 million there, etc.  I'll bet the NFL loved that junk.  All these poor and/or jobless peeps out there watching some football to escape the reality of plenty-o-bills, but not plenty-o-bucks, and this guy is nonchalantly talking about the obscene salaries of these guys who get paid to play a game.  I could just imagine Grudey's boothmates cringing every time he opened his mouth.

And why do we need three people in the booth?

If you can't find two guys who can perform that job, you're just looking in the wrong places. Stop giving jobs to every retired coach or athlete who can form a semi-coherent sentence and start giving them to qualified broadcasters. The best thing you can do is find the game on the radio and mute the television.

I particularly enjoyed hearing Jon struggling to make it sound impressive that his beloved Bucs were hanging with the Colts. The Manning-less Colts. The Bullitt-less, Bracket-less Colts. The 0 and 3 (now 0 and 4) Colts. The Jim Caldwell Colts. "Who?" you ask? He's the coach. Not that you'd know it. It's like he's trying not to get noticed out there. It must be working, because it took ESPN's camera crews about three quarters to find him.

I also liked hearing Jon complain about every penalty against Tampa Bay being a bad call. Apparently, only Grudey is allowed to criticize officiating, and only when he's calling a Bucs game. Maybe he should recuse himself from future games involving his former teams, like a judge recuses him/herself from cases in which their impartiality could be compromised.

Unless you sit on the Supreme Court, in which case you can do whatever you want to with impunity, including making it legal to purchase elections outright.  Thank you for making sure the little guy out there remains in his rightful place at the bottom of the heap.  If I thought there was any chance that you know what shame is, I would tell you that you should be ashamed of yourself.  But you don't.  Know what shame is.  Obviously.  I'm talking to you, Just-Us Thomas.  And thus, this bloviation does end up at least flirting with politics.  Hmm.  You just can't get away from it, I guess.

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